I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
