3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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