There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
