Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
