I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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