You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
