4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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