i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
