I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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