btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
4 words: hood of his car
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
