Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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