so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
