Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
