I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
