Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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