every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
