community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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