just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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