Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
