I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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