nutella sex= disaster
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
