Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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