capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
