I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
