You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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