talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need water and some morals
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
