actually, I'm a sock model
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
