Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
