I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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