He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
