its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
