Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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