she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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