come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i think i just naturally attract stoners
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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