i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
