my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
