I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
