i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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