My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
