She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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