It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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