This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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