Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
