and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
