wrigley field is MILF paradise
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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