I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
