I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
