is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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