Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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