I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
