First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
