I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
