You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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