im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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