And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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