I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
