I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
